Editor's Note: While this article was written from a male viewpoint, tone of voice applies to both men and women out there in the world of, arrggghhhh, dating.
I have a very important question to ask you, and it relates to voice tone. I know that the correct tone of voice to display is one that indicates that you're confident.
Now, when being cocky & funny, teasing a women, etc., should you maintain the same voice tone throughout the conversation, regardless of what you are saying?
What I am trying to say is that when you communicate with a woman, should you change your voice tone at certain times when you say different things?
I don't understand this. What is the correct voice tone to project?
Please help me solve this mystery Carlos.
P. S — Is voice tone really that important? I mean I am not the type of guy that speaks with a weak voice tone whatsoever. I speak with a normal voice tone that I think sounds pretty confident. The reason I say this is because I cant find much information on this topic. What do you think?
Tone of voice is VERY important. It's something that a lot of guys overlook. And, unfortunately, it's one thing that women can use to read you in a heartbeat. You see, every guy out there tells more about what he's made of by HOW he says something more than WHAT he says.
Yes, you must definitely vary your tone of voice as much as possible.
One of the worst things guys do with their voice is ....
They simply don't vary their voice from a monotone, and as a result they sound ... well, BORING.
A woman is interpretive, not literal. She knows that people seldom mean what they SAY. She's learned this from growing up in social interactions instead of football huddles. So almost every woman has about a 20 year head start on most guys in terms of reading between the lines and figuring out the real social dynamics of a situation.
Women grew up having to be indirect with their requests and interactions with other girls (being too direct was frowned upon), so they learned very early how to understand when another girl wasn't saying what she really thinking.
And that means women have it all over guys in terms of her ability to read tone and hear what a guy is saying UNDERNEATH his words. Guys need to develop this ability, too.
Let's use an example where you asked a woman to go out on Thursday.
She says: "I'm busy that night."
Now, if she emphasizes the word "busy," she's probably blowing you off and doesn't want to get together. If she emphasizes the word "that," she's telling you that particular night is not available, but you might need to suggest another night. You have to listen for these small subtleties and adjust your strategy accordingly.
Remember that when a woman first meets you, she doesn't know what is joking and what is not. Only people who have known you a while can figure out when you're being serious and when you are being sarcastic ... or trying to be funny. (This is especially true in emails, so be careful!)
For you, there's one very simple rule for your voice: Vary your tone enough to sound INTERESTING.
The best exercise for this is to try your voice out on your pet. If you've got a cat or a dog, you should try telling them a story in a way that will keep their attention, and by also using hand gestures. If you can keep your pet from walking off in mid-sentence, you're probably using good variation in your tone of voice.
Another way to improve your tone of voice is to join a local club, like Toastmasters, that will help you with speaking in public, and has the added benefit of improving your self-confidence in the process.
You really need to HEAR the proper delivery to understand it, which is why I cover voice tone in almost every one of my Advanced Audio Coaching sessions. Let's face it, there's no way I can adequately demonstrate tone of voice in this column, but you can hear how voice and delivery SHOULD be performed by listening to examples, like old Cary Grant and James Bond movies. Listen to how they use their tone to be funny and even seductive at the same time.
So let me say it once more . . . Tone of voice is VERY important.
Take the time to cultivate an interesting voice and women won't be able to resist your charms.
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